To Know Him Is To Love Him
Posted January 26, 2011on:
I tend towards being the quiet type. I prefer to be the type that blends into the scenery, but, with a child like Nicky, that just will not happen. I have to speak up in many situations for him whether they be in Twitter or in school.
The last thing I would ever do is approach Dee Bradley Baker, Dante Basco, and or Rob Paulsen. I have absolutely nothing against them. I think they are a fine addition to the world of fantasy, whether in movies, television or video games. But Nicky likes them…. He wants to be a part of their world and them a vice versa. I’m just not the type of person to approach someone on the street. online, or otherwise when I admire them too, because I’m actually on the shy side. But when it comes to Nicky, I will put that aside. For Nicky, I will go as far as to make a ass out of myself if it does something to boost his confidence. I feel like I’ve done a great job over the week. Stuff happened all over the place, the cat, the school bully… But, my dear little boy got his shout out, his confidence was restored and he felt better. Why do I do it? Overindulgence? If you think so… Blah. First and foremost, I love him. Second, he doesn’t ever ask for much. Not really. He jokes and teases about wanting this or that on television. But honestly, he truly doesn’t ask for much. If he asks me to reach out an make another connection to a human being, I will NOT deprive him of that. You bet I will do it even if it yanks me out of my own comfort zone.
I won’t let him get his own Facebook or Twitter account, not yet. I know he’d love that, but I’d rather be an overly cautious mom than to have him give out info to someone that I didn’t know about. We’re all putting ourselves out there just a bit any way. I’m going to take extra caution when it comes to my own child. The connections he’s made with people thus far, unless I’ve been thoroughly snowed, are straight up, honest people. Some, I am 100% sure about because you can’t get much more proof than video. If I’m not sure about someone, I back off. I still encounter jerks. I know Nicky will as well, but I can still do everything I can to protect him. It’s a balancing act. I know I can’t be the clenching vine and shroud him all the world evil, but I a don’t want to shove him out in it either. With his autism, he has more of a challenge. He knows it to an extent. People were always very blatant in front of him, so much that he’s even tried to use Autism as an excuse (goes nowhere with me) if he thinks he can get his way.
My child is very bright in some ways, he knows how to get what he wants, even when it comes to me. Even I can be worn down, but he knows this because he’s mine and he gets that from me. That impossible drive to push forward to get what we want except I have (I hope) more hindsight, realizing that I can’t knock things down to do it. I don’t want to hurt people to get what I want, he doesn’t either, but our perceptions of hurt differ because of the spectrum.
“They” say autistics do not feel empathy. I think that’s often misused, I think they perceive and react differently. I’ll readily admit, I am a very emotional person. Nicky is very emotional. But what we react to, may be completely different. I know, even when life is in an overload, that I have to be careful how I react because Nicky can get triggered if I get upset. He’s very protective of me. He might get as mad as heck at me and storm out of a room if I look at him wrong, but if one were to utter something he didn’t like to me, look out. He will get ticked off and blow up like a Roman Candle. This has proved both good and bad. It’s sweet to be loved, but he’s gone off at the wrong times because he’s misunderstood what was being said. Of course, that’s never good because someone ends up hurt and you must explain this to the little love of your life who ends up dejected, because he felt he was justified in being protective.
Often, I’ve been asked if I wished if there were a cure for autism.
I’ve got a question. Do I want to change Nicky? Would I want to change any part of his personality? NO! I love my son, but I also LIKE my son. I like Nicky. I like the way he chatters happily by my side. I like the way he sways when we listen to music. I like him, I love him, and even though it’s been a bumpy road, I’m my mother’s daughter, she loves me for me, I love Nicky for Nicky and maybe we are even closer because of his autism. Who knows?