Once Upon an Autism, Not Your Regular Fairy Tale

Archive for the ‘How I Perceive My Butterfly’ Category

New Home

Posted on: March 31, 2011

Nicky has his own name registered, too, so he’s thrilled.

Moving

Posted on: March 30, 2011

I’ll be moving the blog soon because I wanted a stupid button. I used to be fantastic with html but this css crud confuses me.

Why don’t people ever let up? Nicky had to call me from school what was it, Monday? Or Friday? Those freaky little S.O.B.s were demanding to know what meds he was on. They told him he didn’t have ADHD because he wasn’t hyper. If he weren’t on his meds, the poor kid would never sleep. I told Nicky to tell them that it was none of their business.

One evening, I was watching one of those caught on camera programs. This enraged father boarded a bus and was bellowing at some of those scumbag kids because they were hurting his daughter who had mild Cerebral Palsy, even throwing condoms at the poor girl. But the father was considered the jerk! I’m sorry, I can’t blame the guy. It takes everything I have in me not to go after the beasts that hurt Nicky. There are times I want to teach him how to throw a punch. But he’d be the one who would get the blame because that’s the way it always works.

But regardless of what those creeps say, someday, it’s my son who will be on top. Nicky will rip ’em a new one by being a good person, by living his dreams.

Those nozzles can say what they will, but I’m a heck of a lot stronger than any of them put together, and you had better believe I will not let my son down because one must never cross a mother who loves her child dearly. We are an unbeatable force when need be. And once Nicky heals from his surgery, he wants to join Special Olympics Karate and Soccer, if I can afford it, I’m going to let him, enforcing the fact that martial arts is for defense only. Even just having the knowledge is power. And if he kicks B.T.’s butt. I’ll buy him a Nintendo DS game because that bugger has it coming. I know, bad Mom. Just fed up.

Nicky took a stand. He actually took things on himself, thought things out and sought out help.

First, he had come to me because he wanted to break up with his girlfriend. She was Special Needs, too, but older, and she made him uncomfortable and he indicated that he felt he was too young for what she wanted. (Proud mother moment) I told him that if he didn’t feel right about it, it was good to break things off. He said he didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I advised him to do it gently and just say he wasn’t ready, I told him he could even use me as an excuse if he needed to.

He broke up with her and the first day, she was fine. But the next day, she told him that he had a dark soul. Later, I found out that she started stalking him between classes, etc. trying to pass him notes and all that.

Rather than suffer than silence or hash it out with me, he went down to the office… And my son got results! He saw he wasn’t labeled as a tattle-tale. I’m so proud of him because this is a new thing. Nicky rocks!

If my feelings get hurt, I will get over it and move on. I’ve been through too much, I’m a survivor. For Nicky, it’s much more difficult, especially when he sees his mother being insulted. He has the memory of an elephant, and a grudge that a mobster would admire. But it is not amusing, not when it hurts him, too. My poor little guy has had to take too many knocks whether he puts himself out there or not.

To protect the one he admires, I will not use a name. It is not his fault, Nicky’s, nor even mine, though others might want to contradict that. My poor little butterfly was deceived into believing that a “character” was a voice actor. I tweeted to the person, they blocked me, and I got really suspicious, I made the comment that even a celeb should not come between mother and child, someone did some digging and found out that the guy was just someone who was doing RPG and found the real actor.

Nicky was happy at first, but then saw how certain other people butted into the conversation saying not nice things, this upset him horribly. He sees for the nth time, that the other gets sided with. I try to explain the best that I can. And tomorrow, hopefully, I will have a low pain day and we will play and watch TV. He has no school. I will fill his day with as much frolic and fun as I can muster and hopefully that blasted doc will have filled my scrip so I can get downright obnoxious for my son because that’s what he loves and behind closed door, for his eyes only, I don’t have to be high strung and sensible, I can be goofy and funny.

Today is Special Saturday Nicky blogged yesterday. We played, despite the severe pain I was in. I won’t go too in depth about my pain, because my blogs are more for Nicky now, I found a place I can whine about myself. But you know, he was devastated that a pain flare up hit yesterday when we were supposed to play.

I was just as upset, more than he knew. I hid my tears well. My life is broken promises. But, in my experiences, a broken promise to a child with autism is as bad as defying a mafia don, they don’t forget. Just ask my younger brother. Their grudges are something to behold! But that isn’t why I was so driven to keep my promise. I always try to keep my promises, especially to him. He kept crying off and on… So he got a very wounded Saiyan warrior. It’s still bad today. But he will remember. He will remember that I didn’t lie to him. He will know that Mama struggled to play with him and succeeded. I did this morning. And he will be blogging again! Stay tuned and enjoy!

Ha! I got you here. Are you expecting a fueled rant on vaccinations? No. You won’t get one. Not really because guess what, I DO NOT KNOW!!! And do you know what? I DO NOT CARE! You can spend so much time blaming, and looking for fault, that time passes by, and you miss out. And you don’t want to miss out on moments you can share with the ones you love.

I’ve cashed in the sensible adult chips. It’s all hogwash. I’m not someone who has autism, but I am eccentric, I’m partly a ditz, I’m too blunt, I’m a nerd. I’m sick of all the crud, it wastes time.

Nicky is happier for it, so am I. We are learning to play. There is nothing better. I rarely watch anything “adult” anymore. Kid stuff is much more fun and it makes more sense.

Thank you green aliens, yellow squares, Fire Nation, gallant heroes, etc. etc. may my screen dance of images of saved worlds, problems solved, with a vocal range I can do after, for my son and I will perform and bask in the glow of a simple life of enjoying every moment.

Nicky has the autism diagnosis. He suffers from people who try to force him to fit in, intolerance, and being misunderstood. I’ll play the drums, while Nicky dances, or rocks to a different beat.

And those who read this, enjoy the ones you love. You can have all the technology, all the best care, etc. etc., but it’s your love, it’s you, who are their best advocate and greatest asset. YOU are their rock. Schools educate, I know we have to set an example, teach manners, we do have to parent, but we can also be kids with them and join in their play, you will learn so much more. The world will become so much brighter. You will have so much more energy, a new lease on life… You will see the rainbows over the gray areas. Tell them you love them as often as you can, I hear it so much now! It’s better than any drug.

And look at the world through butterfly eyes, because their perception may not be the disorder you thought it was, but a secret blessing you never expected. And don’t worry. My blessing will be home soon to contribute!

This weekend, Nicky will blog, he wants at the keyboard, he wants to do all the typing without Mommy hanging over to correct errors… to heck with spelling… Ladies and Gentlemen, you will get pure Nicky. I will let him have at it because he’s happy.

The school is looking into what happened.

Nicky’s world is balanced. Nicky is happy. He is so Happy.

He makes me feel like a superhero.

If you’re a parent, I think you are. I almost said mom, but there are a few darn good fathers out there, too.

Friday. We play, we’ll see if he blogs then or Saturday before respite. Special Saturday for twitter. http://forspecialneeds.co.uk/2011/02/12/special-saturday-12-02-11 check it out, please. I’m letting Nicky on this weekend, too.

I told him that he is loved online. I told him to remember that if anyone tries to tell him different. He’s loved at home. Many of his respite workers adore him, too. I gave him the armor of love. I’m building up his self esteem, I’m trying to give him the tools to defend himself. I told him that he can call home if he needs to. I know I can’t physically wrap my arms around him 24/7. I wish I could. We all want to put that cocoon there, but he has a safety net. I will keep working on it. I don’t give him false words and false dreams, I’m very honest with him, but he can still reach for the stars. Autism doesn’t have to stop him! I told him there is an adult woman who has autism with two kids with autism. It was made too big, I am squashing it down.

He’s funny. He’s smart. He’s lovable. He’s remarkable. He’s Nicky. He’s not rotten. He’s my beautiful butterfly and I love him. I told him I love his autism too and his eyes filled with tears because I told him I wouldn’t cure him if it changed who he was because I love him.

Does it get any better? I don’t think so. I love my child. I thank God I have Nicky. I just hope he realizes what an asset he is to the world. He is. If anyone disagrees with me…. I might remember my teenage years…. I had a foul mouth. I can out cuss the best of them, I just won’t take the Lord’s name in vain. But when mad enough…

But I don’t want to. Not here. Not on forums, nor Twitter, for there are good children that might be looking over the shoulder and I don’t want them reading that language.